Thursday, March 11, 2010

My harsh reality....

The past week or so has been a hard one. At first it was just little things that would come up, and then it became some hard realities that I had to face. Things I know, but suddenly they all creep up on you all at once.
Have you ever missed someone that was a part of your life? For some reason or another they aren't now, and even though they aren't you still miss them and think about them? I do this alot. My problem isn't hard reality was that I realized the reasons why we aren't "apart" of each others lives anymore. We are in a limited way but nothing like it was. I realized that the person I miss didn't and doesn't exist to me. That person is gone. So that person that I missed I now know was actually pretty toxic to me, and my family. They tore me down alot, they picked fights over silly things, and made me feel bad for things that were actually good things in my life. Is that really a friend? I think not. So its been hard cause who wants to realize that a friendship that they once thought they knew or needed, wasn't one at all. Its sad....

Then its been things that have come conversations that have taken place that you know you are in the right about or that you heard someone correctly and then to find out that someone has changed there story or they tell you what you want to hear. I hate that.
I hate that people think that they can treat or talk to me anyway that they want. I hate that I think I cant say anything. I hate conflict and I hate hurting peoples feelings, but hey, what about mine?

My brother Brandon made a choice a while back ago that was both hard and completely beneficial to everyone, and he made the right decision...150% but it bothers me and hurts me to think that he doubts that, that other people make him question himself or what he decided. Instead of supporting him and being behind him, they say nothing or support other parties involved. I hate watching him hurt and watch their family suffer the repercussions of the others involved, its not fair and it bothers me. Instead of saying something though...we all sit back for the fear of conflict or tension and take it. Why do we do this?

I just feel like all that I knew is not what it was. I feel differently and I feel like maybe now, who knows maybe Ive finally had enough and I will start defending myself, one can only hope right?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Fathers be good to your daughters too....

My sweet hubby has been doing his daddy daughter dates off and on for years. I love this tradition. It is so beneficial to them as well as me. I am with them all so often and they get to hang out with me A LOT...but Aaron its hard between work, school, church, family, or should I say he started doing the daddy daughter dates to have more one on one time with the girls, and eventually we will turn it into a father/son time as well, but for now he can stick to the girls and Eben and I will hang out at home and wait to hear how their dates go.

Well tonight after school Aaron decided to do a triple daddy daughter date. So he loaded our beauties in the car and headed off to see the new Alice and Wonderland movie, hopefully its ok for Jocie but he didn't want to exclude her. He really wanted to take them to see How to Train your Dragon but that didn't come out until the 26th, so they went with this one. The girls were super excited and get all gitty and happy when they know that this is coming. Its super sweet.

I so wish that my own dad had done something like this when we were growing up. It so would have been beneficial to us. I have two sisters as well, and three brothers, and I know that having time alone with my dad would have helped out in so many different areas of my life. I am a FIRM believer that the more the father is involved with his daughters the less likely they will seek other "boys" or "men's" attention. I realize everyone has free agency but I also know that it completely helps having a father that is involved and who takes notice of his daughters. Just my personal opinion...but I think its fairly accurate.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Simple is best....

So much to blog about so little time. I have thought alot about how I can use this blog to help myself and heal some things, as well as possibly just give others or myself something to read or be entertained by.

I have a pretty good life. I tend to forget this at times, I think perhaps we all do, we take for granted all the great and wonderful and yet simple things that don't seem so "great" but really they are. The simple things to me are far better than the expensive, or elaborate ones...the big house, the nicer car, no thanks. I would rather have my rental A house, my mini van, and my simple but very pleasant and happy life.

Someone recently made a comment to me actually more of a put down of my life or how I spend my time because she isn't active in the church and she thinks that spending time with family, or hanging out with friends, or that I don't let my kids play on Sundays, that I play actual fun and family oriented card games, not poker, that I put my children to bed at 7:00 instead of 9:30 or 10:00, I don't let my children watch movies I haven't seen before, that my husband and I consider dinner and a movie date night, and I don't use language around my children that I don't want them to repeat. So to her, I lead a boring existence. I live a meek life.

For a brief moment I felt sorry for myself I almost got caught up in her words, and her opinion, but then I remembered how happy all of those things make me, and then I felt sorry for her. I thought how sad that you think sleeping around, drinking alcohol, hanging out and working in bars, letting your children stay up late on weekdays, letting them watch all the movies that you do and not care, letting them speak or talk to you with foul language, going on dates with guys that consist of poker played with money, going to dance clubs and getting drunk is a beautiful and happy life. How sad is that? Who's life should be pitied here?

I never would have thought twice about her life until she said something about mine, so then immediately I had guilt, because then I felt so she chooses to live is her business, what she judges or thinks is happiness is a personal choice...which brings me back to my life...since when do we judge each others lives and how we live...well always I suppose, but its not my concern, as long as she keeps it to herself.

My point I don't care how you choose to live your life but please don't ever assume that my life is "meager" or "unimportant" because my life is everything that I hoped it would be and more....thank you very much. :)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Getting started....

I decided to start a new blog. I know as if I didn't have enough on my plate I decided to do this. What was I thinking huh? I needed an outlet. I like my family blog its great, but that's just it its my family "blog" its not exactly the place I should go and vent or talk about things or issues that come up, so I figured this is the next best thing for me.
Hopefully people will stick around and read what I have to say, and if not, I completely understand, you can just stick with the family blog, that works. Life is busy and things get in the way not to mention..its hard to stay on top of every blog you follow right?
Thanks for reading and hopefully you will be able to sympathize with what I write, or just read along, whatever works, Ill take it. Enjoy, in my own words.